So, in this topsy-turvy world of ours the quest for being fashionable takes many a twist and turn. Foot-binding, extravagant hair and calf-implants have all had their time in the limelight.
Yet, the internet should be a place of refuge for all this self-obsession. Right? Being able to present a calculated face to the world with the perfect profile pic, the right apps and the correct favorite movies, music and interests should make this all much easier that it was in the past. Now that people spend more time talking online than they do in person, all the variability (vulnerability) that comes with body-language and skin should be reduced and surpassed. Right?
WRONG! The internet also gives people a place to display their own little bits of self-consciousness and to create markets around them. Gentlemen, BEHOLD! Anal bleaching. A hydroquinone cream can be placed on that anus of yours to get rid of that unsightly discoloration. Next time you’re using the back door under Kleig light you can feel sure that your pucker is the picture of normativity. The best part about this is that it most certainly has origins in the white supremacist movement. Finally, if John Mayer’s dick can be one, so can my anus!
But don’t think that the front door is not getting a makeover too! My New Pink Button is the latest in dyes for you labia. Think about it as blush for your muff. Just apply a snidge before that hot date and your pussy will be screaming “Fuck me!” like it wasn’t motivated by by years of oppressive shame, guilt and jealousy that only make you want to fuck because it is the only way that you can achieve a semblance of human contact in the concrete bunker that you decided to call a home because it was so modernist.
Now, if you thought that women were having all the fun here, there is a way for men to get in on the neuroses too. Now, men historically shouldn’t care about their appearance as much as women, but the advertising industry is working hard towards defining masculinity. Once that hump is overcome men will also have the opportunity to glaze their glans, put extra wrinkles into their nutsack and finally even out that problem where one ball hangs lower than the other.
However, if you want to start building the foundations for schizophrenia now, you can always purchase a sex-doll with a reloadable hymen complete with with fake blood. Oops, did I say sex doll? I meant sex torso.
Act now and you can have your own category in the DSM-V.
9 out of 10 Doctors agree: abusing communications technology now heightens
your chances of qualifying for prescription psychotropic medication in the future!
